My High Priest knows my weakness.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. - Heb 4:15

I just got back from the rock gym, and I’m feeling pretty weak. Weak because I climbed but also weak because I watched three seven-year-old girls campus an overhanging V3. If you don’t know what that means - they were swinging like monkeys not using their feet to climb. Ridiculous. Isaac comforted me by saying that all three of them together weighed less than me… not comforting. He just made me feel fat and weak. The car accident in December didn’t help either; however, I need to start somewhere. That starting point is weakness.

What a beautiful thought that Jesus, as my High Priest, understands my weakness. The Almighty God of the universe, who is omnipotent, understands weakness. He is not out of touch. In fact, by taking on the form of a servant, his human nature experienced getting tired, sickness, and temptation. He, however, in his divine nature, was still unbelievably strong. He did not sin like I am prone to do. I don’t fully understand how Jesus had these two natures without confusion, without change, without division, without separation. Thank you to the Chalcedonian creed for providing boundaries for me to wonder in amazement. Also, thank you to the writer of Hebrews for the reminder that Jesus knew my weakness. What a comfort. Jesus is my perfect High Priest, and the only one who can offer up the perfect sacrifice that brings me to God. Praise God.

School is changing for me

I was anticipating my schedule clearing with my MDIV paper on personal doctrine wrapping up this week. Since our savings have been keeping us going in seminary, I imagined getting a second part-time job if possible. The Lord, as always, is working things out. My co-worker in the registrar's office will be quitting this week to go back to school, which leaves some extra work for me to pick up. Hmm, God's planning is always on time (sometimes we agree with his timing - I do in this case). So, I'll be working 3/4 time starting next week.

I can feel my status as a student slipping away. Oh, I still have two classes to attend. But, could it be coming to an end? I have spent the last 18 months mostly wishing that the time would pass faster, but now I'm wishing it back a little — less time to sit in the quiet with coffee and a book. My day will fly by faster with less time to go on a run by the river or have a long conversation with a professor.

So what will I prioritize? Will I make time for the cohort meetings at Calvary? Will I take an hour off to pray with the faculty? Will I make it to the Torah reading each week? Believe me, I'm going to try and pack everything in… let's see how it goes.

The reality is that this time in school is coming to an end very soon, and something new is coming. I'm excited about what God has next. The transition has begun.

Scratching my head

I finished the doctrinal paper for my MDIV oral exam. Well, I still have a week to review and edit, but I have used up my total word count. I guess that means I’m done, right? It does mean that if I want to add anything, I must also delete something. So, I must prioritize my essential thoughts, and only those of greater importance can make the cut. I did have a teacher offer to preview my paper, which was a very generous offer. I took him up on it, and I am eager to hear his feedback.

Some of the problematic theological questions that I am preparing to answer for my oral exam are: 1) On what grounds are people morally responsible and found guilty of sin? 2) What are the implications between Supralapsarian and Sublapsarian Calvinism? 3) In the new birth, does the Holy Spirit implant a “spirit” or renew capacities of the image of God damaged in the Fall? What is your personal eschatology?

These are the topics that swirl around in my mind as I grasp for understanding. Within the realm of orthodoxy, there are several answers. Choosing one isn’t a problem. Defending why you didn’t choose the others is the daunting task. Understanding one position would be difficult enough, but I feel the need to understand them all.

The good thing is that it is not a fruitless exercise. I feel like I’m preparing and re-learning at the speed of light. God is speaking in my rigor and He is changing my mind about the non-essentials I’ve held sacred in the past. My brain feels tired, and I need to remember to spend time in prayer. My strivings for understanding require the illumination of the Holy Spirit.

Introspection and Identity

Thank you, Tim Koller, for a very unnerving classroom exercise this week. Tim had us spend 15 minutes in class, writing out a list of every thought/belief that motivates you from the moment you get out of bed. So, we wrote what our inner voice tells us, and I filled a page with fragmented sentences and arrows diagraming the connections. I was amazed at how many harmful lies were being communicated to me by me. They were subtle like whispers of a conversation that you barely overhear. I knew the truth to confront each of these lies, but they didn’t come forward for confrontation. They just whispered from the shadows. I think you know what I mean. You hear them yourself — dark whispers in your mind.

Our identity is the core driver for habit formation. This brief moment of introspection made me question the source of my identity. To whom am I listening? Of course, as a Christian, I believe that my identity is found in Christ. God established my identity before the foundation of the world, and I will discover that identity when I seek Him. I find acceptance, security, and significance when I behold Him and listen to what He says about me.

If our behaviors flow from what we believe about ourselves and how we identify, then it seems that the church needs to preach to us about identity. We need to preach to ourselves about identity in Christ. Culture is already preaching to us. Those dark thoughts and ideas are already preaching to us. To whom will I listen? Who has my ear? Who do I believe? The answer is in what comes out of my life. I can’t argue with the fruit of my identity. For example, if I am fearful and anxious, then what do I believe about who I am? Do I believe that I am a victim? Or, that God is angry at me, so he is going to punish me? Do I believe that God is not good and can not be trusted? These are things that would never come out of our mouths, but we hear them in our heads. We say an AMEN to these lies and believe them to be true.

So, preach. Preach to yourself the truth that God declares is your true identity in Him. Child of God. Called by God. Loved by God. Protected by God. He says far more about me than this, and I find it when I listen to Him through the Word of God with the Spirit of God.

Personality Test Mania.

It seems our Christian culture has so fully embraced personality tests that we may be tempted to create a new category for them in our practical theology. Now, I have a degree in counseling, but I’m starting to question if this obsession in the church is a good thing. I remember the days when the only test we took in the church was a spiritual gift inventory. But now we have so many tests; I can’t even keep track. I’m familiar with the Meyers Briggs, Strength Finders, Enneagram, and DISC. However, someone in my class today brought up a personality test of which I had never heard. Wow. I just found out I've become irrelevant - out of touch.

Let me tell you what I’m hearing that causes me to be concerned. Everyone seems to have five or more different labels that they are quick to offer as their identity. Seriously, people study this stuff and know it better than they know their Bibles (I could write a whole blog post ranting on this). They are listening to podcasts and buying books all to help them understand their particular personality profile. Are we that desperate to have someone tell us who we are? My fear that we are taking these tests to a place of self-idolatry.

It is God who made us and it is from God that we receive our identity. Only he can tell us who we are.

I would suggest that these tests have value in helping us start a process of self-discovery. But, are we really satisfied with the labels they give us? Each individual is complex, and each personality can be fluid, depending on our relationships and environment. It is an easy thing to get a label. However, it is really hard work to be self-aware. It’s easy to label someone else, but it’s hard work to get to know someone. Wrongly applied, I wonder what this will do for our church communities in 1-2 years. Will this hurt our relationships?

Let me know your number, letter, or type - your label. It’s like telling me the ZIP code where you live. It’s not a very specific location. Yes, it does describe where you are. But I’m still going to have to find you among all the other people who live where you do.

In the same way your personality label only gives me a starting place to find out who you are. I’m not satisfied with the label that you have adopted. I want to know you and how God has made you unique and valuable.

Anticipating the Future.

We are waiting and searching for a new ministry position. Like us, there is a church that is waiting and searching for their next Pastor. We both can be fearful of what is coming in the future. We ask questions like, “Will we know it when we see it?” “Will it be what we need?” or “Will it happen when we need it.” Fear is a natural response to an unknown future.

I have been sick this last week. I was feeling weak, with headaches and dizziness. Unexpected trials make the future look even bleaker and more frightening. I wish I could say that I didn’t give in to those fears. I wish I could say that I was resolute and that my trust in God didn’t wane. As the fog of sickness slowly subsided, I was struck with a truth common to my understanding that I had ignored.

My God is in control of the future.

Duh. Right?

What surprised me was the outcome of that thought. Excitement. My hope was in uncertainty until it found its footing in God. Then I started getting excited. Instead of “Will it _____?” questions, I started dreaming of the “When it ______?” questions. God was once again my guarantee that there will be something next. I don’t know what that is, but I can’t wait to see it.

Excitement motivates me to do today the things that need to be in place for the future. Instead of planning on “how I always thought it would be,” I can prepare for the new thing that God has planned. Instead of anxiety, I anticipate possibilities. God is limitless with possibilities, and he has a specific will for me to obey. In other words, He has a new job for me to do. He has a Pastor waiting for the church that is eagerly crying out to him.

I’m like being a child again waiting for Christmas. We are counting the days and waiting for the surprise and wonder when His plan is revealed. Isn’t that what it means for your life to be in the hands of an omnipotent Father? It is child-like longing and expectation.

How bout you? Are you fearful or excited anticipating the future?

Leadership that loves

There is nothing that bothers me more than a Christian leader who does not have time to have a conversation. With eyes darting as they try to end the conversation, you feel so unimportant and unloved.

But wait, Christian leaders are very busy, and there is an unrealistic expectation that they are best friends with everyone in the congregation. So, am I being harsh? Perhaps I’m not giving much grace to our leaders. Or maybe there is a problem with the schedule that we demand from them. Could our church be making it difficult for our leaders to shepherd the sheep because we have made their job descriptions without remembering that shepherding takes time? Since congregants pay their salaries with their giving, someone needs to make sure that they are not being lazy. Right?

I have been in ministry, and I have been accused of being distant or unfriendly. I have been so busy as a worship leader that I asked people to email me about our conversation because I may not remember it. My brain space was completely full. Reflecting on that is not very pleasant. However, I was operating with a value system that told me that my priority was my performance, not relationships.

However, stepping out of ministry for a time has given me new eyes and a very different philosophy of ministry. I have started asking questions like, “What if time and priority given to investing in people makes our preaching and worship leading better?” Perhaps people learn and engage more when they are loved. Maybe they don’t mind your mistakes and failures as much when they know you care for them — the value system that emphasizes listening and quality time rather than being flashy, perfect, or slick.

On a Sunday morning before church, I want to be the kind of pastor who can say, “I’ve done my prep….my sermon is good …now re-focus on shepherding.” I want to be present with people from the moment I step into the church until I leave the building. But, I can’t be the only one that feels that way. I need to be part of a church where every staff member, Elder, and leader is prioritizing and loving every person who walks through the doors every week. Church leaders who do not know and love their people can’t help them grow in Christ.

Sounds wonderful, right? But, lets acknowledge that the kind of leadership I’m describing takes time and work.

Love is an Intervention

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son (John 3:16). God loved, and it was an intervention. He sent his Son to reveal the love of the Father. This was the Son of His love who would die so that rebels could come home. He sent his Son for our sin so that we could be different and free (Romans 8:3). God’s love confronts our sin. His love won’t tolerate sin. So, God’s love gives a remedy. His Son.

I want to love like God. However, culture provides me an easier way for me to love. All I have to do is “like” your post on social media or comment, “You be you, I support you.” This love does not confront. It avoids conflict at all costs. This love stays far away and doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t want to be uncomfortable.

But, God’s love crashes in. It is intrusive. It gets right in your face and tells you there is another way to live. God’s love invites us into a relationship and begs us to leave our lovers of autonomy and independence. God’s love is an intervention. It is our chance to be different — what a chance. Only God’s love would come close and give us a chance. Everyone else would have stayed far away from our mess. They would never face the conflict of our rejection.

God loved and gave.

Communion

It occurred to me while taking communion this weekend that when we remember the sacrifice of Christ that our theology is affirmed. The bread is a symbol of the body of Christ crushed for the penalty of our sin. Through the bread, propitiation occurs. The law and the wrath of God are satisfied because my sin had earned a death penalty. He paid the punishment that I deserved. But he also took my sin and my guilt; this is expiation. My sin was removed from me. Theology helps me remember why.

Leviticus tells us not to drink the blood of an animal because the life is in the blood (Lev 17:14). Don’t drink blood. 

Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. (John 6:53-57). How offensive this must have been to those who Jesus spoke. Did you catch that he just said to drink his blood?

But, we remember his blood poured out for us by drinking it. In his sacrifice, Jesus imputes His righteousness to me. His perfectly righteous life poured out through his wounds. By his stripes, we are healed (Isaiah 53). Theology gives depth to his sacrifice, helping me remember what his love purchased for me.

Sermon on the Mount

Is it transactional? For example, if you are poor in spirit, then yours is the kingdom of heaven. I would suggest that Jesus is not preaching a conditional sermon. The question that we should ask is,“Who?” Who is the one who is poor in spirit? Who is the one who mourns over their sin? Who is the one who is meek and humbles themselves before the judge? Who is the one who is hungry and thirsty for righteousness? Who is Jesus describing?

Romans 3:10-11 As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.

No one means NO one. So how does the change happen in us happen? The beauty of this next passage is incomprehensible. For it is by grace, you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast, for we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10. It is grace. It is a gift. Therefore, it is NOT a transaction.

We are God's workmanship. He regenerates the rebellious heart that would never yield.  And he said, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.- John 6:44. The Father starts the change.

What can we do? Well, we should get on our knees and cry out for mercy to God who can change us. Jesus was preaching that these kingdom citizens who are defined by God's redeeming work, to them, belong the kingdom of heaven and every other good thing he describes.

Happy and Blessed are the ones who are changed.

Look up

Psalm 19:1-4.

The heavens declare the glory of God,
    and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
    and night to night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words,
    whose voice is not heard.
Their voice[b] goes out through all the earth,
    and their words to the end of the world.

This evening we drove home from spending the day in the mountains. As we drove into Denver, the sky behind us was ablaze as the sun slowly moved westward. The mountains were flatted black and gray below the fiery sky. I watched in amazement in quick glances in my side mirror as I drove east. It was God. The sky was screaming to look up to the God who paints the sky.

We are deaf to the call. “Because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.”  (Romans 1:25). Wickedness in our core makes us believe the lie that what we need is not the painter of the sky but rather more of the stuff he has made. I believe the lie. It’s easy to do. Just look down. Look down into your hands and imagine something else that you could fill them with: a new phone, a fit bit, or a little more cash. Materialism helps you ignore the sunset that points you to God. What is it that you have to have? What do you have that if lost, it would make your life un-livable?

The answer to that question is determined by where you are looking. Up or down.

Look up.

Provision

God provides. I am grateful to God for taking care of our needs today. Yesterday, my needs created worries and today they are sources of confidence in his providence. I am grateful for a God who listens and provides for his children. Tomorrow, I am sure that there will be another opportunity to trust him for our financial needs. The question is, will I remember the provisions of today? How would it change me? My gratitude could somehow be sustained instead of being overcome by anxiety. Even more, my heart could seek to be generous to those in need around me. I could be a reflector God’s generous character who has been so gracious with me. I could be different.

Sovereign

My wife called this morning, and she’d been sideswiped in a hit and run. God is sovereign. My oldest daughter called asking for prayer; she is struggling. The other is in the ER with the flu. Both are over a thousand miles away. God is sovereign. I’m feeling sick today. Could be coming down with something. God is sovereign.

Sovereign means He rules over all of creation. Sovereign means that nothing happens that He has not authorized. Sovereign means He has a plan, and that plan will not be interrupted or stopped.

I don’t know why today seemed out of control. In reality, there was no part of this day that wasn’t completely in His control. How are these things in His plan? I have no idea. This is not what I would have planned. But I believe he knows what He’s doing.

Here’s a quote I re-posted on my Instagram today by J. Vernon McGee.

“This is God’s universe, and He does things His way. You may (think you) have a better way to do it, but you don’t have a universe.”

Thanks, J. You put things in perspective for me.

I

Rest.

Too busy. Usually, I am only become aware of this in retrospect. Thinking back, it seemed unavoidable because most of the day’s activities were unplanned. Stuff just came up and required my immediate attention. Busy-ness makes me irritable, impatient, and illogical. It is survival mode.

What is the remedy? Can I just ignore when my son needs to go to the doctor? Can I just say no to an opportunity that suddenly has an opening today? What about the phone call that I’ve been waiting on? Can I ignore that? Sure there are lots of things I deem ignorable, but not everything falls into that category? Perhaps we can’t avoid these interruptions when life gets busy.

Exodus 20:8-11 was part of my research on the theology of creation today. 8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

Rest. Sometimes it takes a busy day to realize just how much we need rest. God knows we need it, and he commands us to do the very thing we need. Weird how we resist the things that God tells us are important for our flourishing, for our well being.

Feeling busy? Try a Sabbath. Plan it and spend some quality time resting in the presence of your Father.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the key to faithfulness. As a counselor, I know that self-awareness can be pursued without a theological framework that defines our identity in Christ. However, when we are mindful of what the Bible says and with the Holy Spirit’s help, self-awareness can help us be more faithful to our Father and faithful to the people around us.

I believe that working to complete my MDIV has given me many tools to develop my preaching, my exegesis of the scriptures, my understanding of the original languages, my apologetics, and my theology. My time at seminary has also given me many tools for self-awareness. Tools that help me see myself as I actually am and what I can be because of the redemptive power of the Gospel. Sin has been revealed, hope has been rekindled, and desire has emerged. My Seminary training has been a gift, allowing me to step out of ministry and evaluate my character drift and realign myself with the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying work in me. We all need to be on the same page as the Spirit. However, it’s easy to get off course and not even know it, especially when you are busy with ministry. I believe self-awareness is what David prays for when he says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”( Ps. 139:23-24). 

The questions that I’m wrestling with today are, “Where does self-awareness happen in the church?” “Is it an activity done in community?” Or, “do we just assume it happens individually?” I believe it only happens in a transparent community, and we are wrong to assume it’s just happening privately in each individual. I can be adamant about this because self-deception blinds all of us to our own flaws. We need each other to help because we are all stifled in our growth. Opening our lives to the voices of others is guaranteed to get uncomfortable. It feels really dangerous.

What would it look like for the church to grow in faithfulness through a commitment to transparent community and self-awareness? Would we have to create a new environment/gathering to facilitate this? How would it be communicated? How could this value spread in a church community? What could Christ do in a church that embodies a pursuit of faithfulness through self-awareness?

I have lots of questions. Is a church like this actually possible in our closed and defensive culture? Does it already exist? Maybe it’s just a dream.

Faithfulness

I begin a class tomorrow called, “The Personal Life of the Christian Leader.” My first assignment is to journal daily for thirty days. The content of my journal is what the Holy Spirit is revealing and teaching me that day. It sounds like a blog to me. I just have to find a way to get my teacher, Tim Koller, to accept this assignment in a blog format.

Today, I resonated with Chapter 3 of “Holy Wild,” a book by Mark Buchanan. I am reading this book for a different class. Mark pointed out that when we call a car “faithful,” we mean that its greatest feature is that it is functional, lacking other more exciting features. I imagine that this usage is a reflection of how poorly our culture esteems the word and the quality that it describes. Perhaps, I resonated with Mark’s description because my personality fights against things that feel routine. For me, routine quickly becomes bland and boring. And somehow the words “routine” and “faithful” can occupy the same space in my brain. So, it seems my feelings about faithfulness are more like our culture than how the Bible describes our God.

The Old Testament describes God’s faithfulness with the Hebrew word hesed. It literally means covenantal faithfulness but is often translated as steadfast love or lovingkindness. It is a word we are familiar with because of Psalm 136. You are probably familiar with this Psalm because it repeats over and over, “His lovingkindness endures forever.” When God makes a covenant with Abraham in Genesis 15, animals are cut in two, and God walks between the bloody parts. Abraham was probably surprised by God’s action because according to covenantal practices of the time, Abraham was supposed to walk between the animal parts. This was a symbolic act which was supposed to be Abraham’s commitment to be faithful to the covenant or to be cut in half just like the animals. But God takes Abraham’s place, and symbolically says, “I’ll be responsible for your unfaithfulness.” 2 Tim 2:13 claims that God remains faithful even when we are not. That is not boring. In fact, that could be the greatest news that a rebellious sinner like me could ever hear. He has paid the penalty for my sin. And now, He is faithfully patient and unchanging in his promises towards me. So, does God not care about our faithfulness? Oh, He cares. He cares so much that he is willing for our growing faithfulness to be guaranteed by his. He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it (Phil 1:6).

As a Christian, the question that then follows is, “Am I faithful?” Toward my sense of self, the answer is a big, “Yes.” To God, the answer is “Yes,” but there is less confidence in my response. I think my hesitation lies in the conflict that seems to arise from trying to be faithful to two things that are often not on the same page. God is not as interested or committed to my happiness or comfort, as is my sense of self. He desires my sanctification and His glory. See what I mean? God and self want different things. This conflict is the struggle of my faith. Who will I be faithful to today? Me or God.

Today, I am led to ask that question, but even as I write this, I have found the answer. It is found in the middle paragraph. When I was reflecting and writing about God’s faithfulness to me, my heart desired to not only to be faithful to him in return but also to reflect that faithfulness, so that others can know it. Perhaps I spend too much time looking in the wrong places to define concepts that only God can truly define for me. My answer is looking at Him and letting what we see influence who I am. The words of the chorus are true, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.

Father, thank you for your faithfulness to me. Once again, I need your help. Help me be faithful to you alone - Amen.

Time to Blog.

Kristen has told me before that I should write a blog. However, like many of the things she wisely tells me to do, it takes time for me to finally get around to following her advice. This is an example of how I can stubbornly refuse to accept the gifts that God has placed in my life. I’m like a child who will not eat anything green because he or she is sure that it is possible to live only on hotdogs and macaroni and cheese.

The reality is that God has given me a wonderfully wise and gifted wife. If you know her, I know that you are in agreement with me. Kristen is a connector of people. She remembers your name and things about you. She is excited to see you and has a genuine interest in who you are. She is the perfect ministry partner.

Seminary has taught me many things this time around but one very important thing stands out. The lesson that is indelibly written on my heart is that shepherding is the primary function of a Pastor. It’s more important than preaching, administrating, leadership, programs, etc. Creating a rooted community as Dan White Jr. writes about in his book “Subterranean” is how I want to orient my ministry. I am learning what it means to be committed to shepherding as the main focus of ministry and to let it permeate every program and every leader in the church.

My wife already does this naturally. It is who she is. I have a lot to learn from her and am blessed to have in ministry beside me.